Sev'rus The Potions Master
by sarahyyy
Summary: “Then one foggy Christmas Eve, a salesman came to say, Sev’rus with your hair so greased, won’t you buy shampoo tonight?“ Fred, George and Hermione's Christmas present to Snape.


**SEV'RUS THE POTIONS MASTER**

**Disclaimer: **I solemnly swear these characters are not mine. Oh, and that they _are_ up to no good.

**A/N: **I needed to write a Christmas fic to get into the festive season! What's Christmas without a Christmas HP fic?

* * *

"-maybe we should just forget about it this year."

"Fred, we _need_ a Christmas carol. We have one _every year_! We _can't_ stop the tradition!" George argued as the both of them descended from the stairs leading to the Gryffindor Boys' Dormitories.

"I'm trying to think of something, George," Fred hissed as they plopped down on one of the couches. "Let's see what we have... How about "Silent Night"? We could write something about Ronnikins."

"We did that during his first year, remember?" George rolled his eyes.

"Umm... "Dumbledore Is Coming to Town" then," Fred suggested again.

"No, it's not original enough. Besides, I think we did it before... Or was it Lee?" George frowned.

As the both of them were engrossed in thinking, they didn't see Hermione (who was yawning sleepily) coming down. "Good morning, Fred, George."

"When did-"

"-you get-"

"-here?" They both ended in unison.

She rolled her eyes, "What are you doing?"

"Let's ask Hermione, George. She might be able to help," Fred proposed.

George thought over it for a moment and turned towards Hermione, "Say Hermione, are you well-versed in Christmas carols?"

Hermione arched her eyebrows but nodded.

"Brilliant," Fred said, "Could you help us with writing a parody Christmas carol then?"

"It's all in good fun, you know. Getting into the Christmas spirit and all..." George added, just to be safe. They didn't want to get into the bad books of Hermione the Perfect Prefect.

She grinned, "Why not? Have you got a tune yet?"

Fred nodded while George shook his head. Then they turned to each other.

"We do?" George asked just as Fred asked, "We don't?"

Hermione chuckled, "Do you or do you not?"

They both exchanged glances and then nodded. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." It was their favourite Christmas carol.

And then they spent the better part of the morning trying to come up with something that was actually good. There was a lot of singing involved as well as maniacal laughter. Thankfully for them, Fred and George had set up a silencing spell around them.

"Hey, hey you two, how about 'Voldie the red-eyed Dark Lord, had fingers that look like sticks'?" George asked while Hermione and Fred cracked up.

"See this, 'Ronald the red haired wizard, had a really pretty blush. And if you ever saw him, you might even get a crush'." Fred sang but then shook his head sympathetically. "With his luck, he would never get a girl after this."

"Let's try mine then, 'Sev'rus the hated teacher, had a long and hooked nose. He was tall and imposing, always dressing in black clothes." Hermione suggested.

Fred and George's eyes lit up. "Perfect Christmas present for Snape."

* * *

"Peeves, would you do something for us?" Fred (or George, either one since Hermione is still unable to tell their difference) asked Peeves. "It's got something to do with Snape."

Peeves eyes lit up, "Is it anything... Humiliating? Embarrassing? Fun?"

Fred and George both nodded, "When is it not? It's one of our Christmas carols."

Peeves cackled evilly. He had sung their last creation during last year's Christmas ball. "Anything for you, Mr. Weasleys."

And then Hermione handed Peeves the parchment where she had written down the lyrics. Peeves scanned through it and cackled up again. "This is by far, your best!"

Fred and George nodded, "Well, we did have extra help this year."

Peeves looked appraisingly at Hermione, then he grinned at her and took off his hat and saluted, "Didn't know you had it in you, Ms. Granger."

Hermione grinned, "Just make sure everyone hears it."

Fred and George nodded, pleased. "We've successfully-"

"-turned you into-"

"-one of the most cunning-"

"-pranksters in Hogwarts. Wonder how we did that?"

* * *

Professor Severus Snape woke up on Christmas day with a really bad feeling. He never liked Christmas all that much. In his opinion, it was just an excuse for students to skive and make noises and cheer and laugh. It irritated him to no end.

He was already in a foul mood when he stepped into the Great Hall for breakfast, but nevertheless, fully prepared for all the joyous Christmas caroling and cheering today.

He wasn't, however, prepared to hear Peeves belting out a song to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". But that wasn't just it. It was a song, written about him.

"_Sev'rus the potions master_

_Had a big and crooked nose_

_He was tall and imposing_

_Always dressing in black clothes._

The students -even the Slytherins- were laughing maniacally and cheering Peeves on. Peeves gave thumbs up to Fred, George and Hermione, who were sitting together at the back of the Gryffindor table.

_Most of the Hogwarts students_

_Hated him and cursed his name_

_Giving Gryffindors detention_

_That was Sev'rus' claim to fame!_

"Hear, hear!" Lee Jordon shouted and the Gryffindors cheered. Most of the Hufflepuff students were also humming to the tune along with Peeves singing. Professor Snape's face was now so red it rivaled that of Ron's when he was embarrassed.

_Then one foggy Christmas Eve_

_A salesman came to say_

_Sev'rus with your hair so greased_

_Won't you buy shampoo tonight?_

By now, the other professors had lost it. Professor McGonagall was laughing so hard that Professor Sprout had to stop her from falling off her chair. Professor Snape sent a glare to them.

_Then all the students loved him_

_Even with his crooked teeth_

_Sev'rus the potions master_

_You'll go down in history!"_

"FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!"

* * *

Credits: The first two verses of the Christmas carol that Peeves sang was by Catherine Johnson. I made some amendments to it though and wrote the last two verses.

So how do you guys like it? Tell me in a review!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!


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